Thursday, April 11, 2013
Live life not in fear.
Four years ago about this time I was just starting a series of tests on me to determine what was going on with me. Let me back track a little bit for you to understand what I was doing. Each day I'd get up and go to work at the Hylant group then after work I would go to my other job at the YMCA. I was a fitness coach and also coached the special Olympics power lifting team. I can't really call that work because I always had way to much fun with those guys. The special Olympics team were training for a competition, the coaches against the team. We had four events bikes, running and then benching and the dead lift. As my boys would say I'm pretty tough for being a girl. I would work out and hackle right along with them. Even though you can see that they have special needs, they were treated normal. They didn't want to be treated as if they were different. The only thing between them and us the coaches were that we told them how to do things but they are the HEROS. They taught us to BELIEVE. Imagine going through life knowing your different and people picking on you and calling you names. These boys deal with that but yet they believe in themselves and they don't allow others to bring them down. after each practice we would huddle together in a group and put our hand in the center and on the count of three we would say /YELL BELIEVE. One day I noticed some twitching in my left hand that wouldn't stop. I thought it was from training with the boys or the training for the marathon I was doing either way I figure it was too much and went to see my doctor. She immediately sent me to get some testing done thinking I may have had a stroke. Then after that she sent me to another doctor. She was concerned and felt the neurologist would be the route to go. Long story short after all tests were complete mind you some were very painful that I have ALS. This was in September of 09. in May of that year I asked the doctor if I had ALS. Although he wouldn't say yes and he didn't say no I knew in my heart and gut I did. After finding out John and I both cried. I feared that I wouldn't watch my baby girl graduate from High school. I feared not being able to see my kids get married and have children. I feared that I would be forgotten and that John would fall in love with someone else and forget what we have/had. I worried for Chase, even though he is not mine biologically I still look at him as my son. How would you feel knowing that you are going to die more sooner than later? I have to be honest it scares me to no end. But then a light clicked on and I realized that I can take that attitude and die or I can start living my new life. I choose to live life strong and with a positive attitude. Not everything goes the way I want things to but I choose not to stress out. Just recently John and I made the decision for him to quit his job to stay home with me. We are not wealthy and we have bills like everyone else. This decision that John had is very difficult because he couldn't go to work to get away for he would worry about how I am doing that much more and we couldn't afford to have someone here every day. So this was the best decision for us. Financially we will see but do we have regrets about this? The answer is NO. We have come a long way from the uncertainties of this disease to accepting and living each day as its our last. Having ALS has allowed me to not only let go of the little things but its allowed me to see who I really am and to keep living life in a positive way with a positive attitude. The day you can really look at yourself in the mirror and say I love what I am doing without getting any financial gain then you will understand what I feel everyday. My gain is to live each day to my fullest, live not in fear of being forgotten but to live knowing that I can love and knowing that I am loved. Also believing in myself the way my team has taught me to do and finally to live life strong knowing that you can't change everyone but knowing that if you can help just one person you have done so much more that others only wish they would do. Don't look back at what you could of or should of done. Look forward to your will do and can do's. I guarantee that you will see a happier you. Live life strong and Never give up!